Help me fail
I want to know defeat
desperation, panic
Ease me into it
the implosion of self-doubt
The broken circle
that never returns
the journey over the horizon
into emptiness
Where you are waiting to acknowledge
my inabilities made manifest
my lack of motive
and I am ready to surrender without retribution
to the cool, calm acceptance of paralysis
Depth/surface
Edges/center
A grandiose mistake, misunderstanding
isolation, total package
Now flow
On a bicycle built for chaos
Briefcase full of plans for the new panopticon
Stroking the unforgiven into the complacency of purposelessness
Never finished
this endless wave of energy
Contained on the edge, superimposed
You’ve been able to procure your disease
Extending the corners, lost on the highway
the argument, to be continued…
Curves, light
distraction
eyes swept across the page
Risk of infection multiplied
I don’t know why
but I can’t focus on these questions
Social distortion
body made soft, malleable
contortionist’s escape from the mundane, minute problem
that presents itself insidiously, innocently, waiting to ensnare,
randomly absorb my energy
Suppose we could
find a more functional state
a clearer organization
a more precise angle for our disintegration
I didn’t recover
gracefully
There was a lot
of shifting of blame
I supported this house
in the background
on my knees
Swimming, face down in the dirt
thrashing to mindless music
and purposeless applause
I forgot
I’d already driven down this avenue
light through the trees like claws
So surreal, so undeniable
I was hurt, bad
going down
Further exploring my options
When your face rose like the moon
canceling the tide of my invisible wounds
I am not truly present
in this moment
I hear the hammer
in the other room
pounding nails into your chest
This is what you wanted
to be bigger, larger
to stand at the threshold of the visual itself
an angel in the city that excludes me
I’ve often wondered what it means
to be left behind
if that rhythm continues
that pounding
As if two individuals
are contractually engaged
in murdering an angel
and I am a witness
who cannot describe what he sees
I
I watched you
from a distance
You fell
in a flurry of limbs
and stars
You are real now
I am scared of how ordinary
it seems
your transformation
I wonder if you
want to be concealed
if you want to sing
or if the zipper at your throat
never opens
II
There’s nothing here for me
I can’t follow the argument
you make in the rain
Swallowing the extemporaneous largeness
of me
a perfect thing among savage disappointments
III
Images fluttering on eyelids
If I could make it rain
I’d be happy
Pour out the libations
cancer is a terrible disease
You couldn’t teach me
not to gamble
or how to dance
Lights on
I need you to remember this
Simple contradictions
impossible errors
Who is that on the other line?
Maybe it’s cancer
Maybe it’s a woman
Maybe it’s a judge
trying to find his way home in the dark
do judges have homes?
live among us?
Is it too dark to see me in my borrowed scripture?
Do your impression of Iwo Jima
that impossible landing
those persistent waves
of legs, arms and guns
